The Art of Saying No to Giving
No’s can be a great relief to fundraisers.
A close second to receiving an enthusiastic Yes! to an ask for a gift is hearing a declarative No!
No’s can be a great relief to fundraisers.
The indefinite silence of not knowing if a donor is interested in supporting your organization can be much more anxiety producing. And silence can breed misunderstanding. No’s, while unfortunate, communicate definitive non-interest and allow both parties to move on with peace.
But is saying no difficult?
I think it can be.
Without knowing the why of giving, being asked to give can sometimes leave one feeling like a deer in the headlights, frozen and unsure how to respond. But yesses and no’s clarify purpose and direction. By learning how to say no, givers can better identify the things they truly care about and support them with charitable confidence.
With this in mind, I’ve created a framework for how to say no when asked to give. This framework includes 1) reasons for saying no, 2) how to say no productively, and 3) when to say no.
Reasons For Saying No
A top reason for saying no is if you are not closely affiliated with the organization that is asking for support. Financial support should go first of all to those places around you that help you to grow in community. The further an organization is from your sphere of daily life, the less reason there is to lend support. A project to build a rural well might be thought provoking and admirable, but if it is more abstract than the immediate needs of your neighbor and your interests, it should probably not take a top spot in your charitable giving.
We are social creatures, and we grow as individuals, and even begin to fulfill our purpose, when we support the things around us whose missions we understand and whose fruits we can see. This participation in civil society creates a sense of belonging in an otherwise big wide world.
If it were not so, giving would only be superficial, and likely transient.
In fact, proximity is such an important reason for saying no to giving that all other reasons are really just subsets of this one. Which leads to a second point.
Even socialites may only have time available each week for involvement in three to five causes, in addition to the needs of their own family, of course. From church, to schools, alumni groups, food pantries, youth enrichment, and so on, if one is involved in each of these things on a regular basis it constitutes an extremely full week! (Though I suspect someone involved to such an extent would feel a high level of happiness and fulfillment.)
But there is a limit to what one can do. And boundaries help to prioritize demands. Saying no to additional commitments is absolutely reasonable. We should prioritize support for the things around us that help us to grow in community but that don’t stretch us beyond our physical limit.
If you are new to a community and still learning what it’s all about that’s reason enough to give something, a modest contribution is fine. But over time as you increase your involvement you should reassess both your commitment and your giving until you are making a meaningful contribution to a few thoughtfully selected places. This lets organizers, and yourself, know that you want to support that cause in a decided way.
Otherwise, lack of involvement is a good reason for saying no.
How to say no productively
Because declarative no’s tend to be infrequent, fundraisers will continue to ask for gifts until something is said. There are many benign reasons for not speaking up, such simple forgetfulness, but that will not stop the barrage of asks. Fundraisers will rarely drop you from a mailing list based on silence alone, there’s still a chance! And this is especially true if you continue to frequent the organization in some way. Silence may only foster misunderstanding.
A clear, direct, and polite sentence is all that’s needed:
“I am not interested in supporting X and would like to be removed from future asks. Thank you!”
This is always welcome by an organization, especially if you include a reason related to proximity; I moved, I’m already supporting as many places as I can, I no longer agree with the organization’s mission, and so on. But be quite sure you are no longer a part of that group. Otherwise, the assumption will be you are not interested in supporting now, but possibly down the road, in which case you will continue to be asked. Worse, by not giving to an organization you frequent you could be absorbing resources for yourself that are meant for those being served.
Another productive “no” is to say, I’m not interested in supporting X program but I am interested in supporting Y program. For example, you could say I am not interested in supporting the athletics program at such an organization but I am interested in supporting the fine arts program. This is a very useful “no” that can lead to better alignment of interests and give the fundraiser an opportunity to craft an ask more to your preference.
Alongside this you can also share how you like to be asked for money. This is one of my favorite bits of donor feedback. You can specify the time of year you like to be asked, perhaps based on the season or a holiday (fall, spring, Christmas, your mother’s birthday, etc.). You can also indicate your preferred mode of being asked (in person, via email, snail mail, or text). You can even say you will give without prompt, no need for a reminder…but you must stick to your word, since this requires a high level of trust.
Sharing how you like to be asked for money can lead to much more interesting conversations about your reasons for support. You like grabbing beers, great! Let’s meet and chat. A quick text, no problem! Fundraisers are more than happy to accommodate these preferences.
When to say no
Simply put, the sooner the better.
Organizations can spend a lot of time and money on mailings and fundraising campaigns (more than you might imagine). You are doing a grand service by saying no early.
Lastly…
A life focused on helping others is just more meaningful and happy! You should find places around you, though not too many, where your being there matters and brings you fulfillment. In the United States there is no shortage of places looking for someone just like you to be involved. And your financial support will make a meaningful difference in what that place is able to accomplish, if not for the programs your money supports than through your personal commitment expressed through giving. Giving is a personal need that also helps others.
While both under commitment and over commitment seem to be on the rise, the willingness to say no is fading. But it’s a skill we must practice. We all need to get used to saying no so as to prioritize those things that do bring meaning to our lives.
So, say “no” more!